I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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