I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
