I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
