two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
