Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
