btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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