Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize