I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
