Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
