But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
