I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
