I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
