I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
two words: eviction party
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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