If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
