Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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