Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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