Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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