This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
