He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
