THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
now i know why i became what i already was.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
