He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
