i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
