My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
