The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this will be a night to untag.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
