I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
