well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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