we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
