i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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