we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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