I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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