omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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