It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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