9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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