What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
