she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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