dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
