I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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