i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think i got beer on your cat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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