Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
