final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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