I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
