Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
