AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
