sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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