Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
