Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
