just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
