glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
