Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
