i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
