last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
