Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
