I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then he tried to convert me to islam
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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