I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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