god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
