I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
