You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize