You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
