I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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