Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize