I want to stick my p in your. b.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
