dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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