My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
