Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
