you traded sex for a burrito?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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