I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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