She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
