Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
