We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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